Pissed: or “Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher”

So today is Sept. 11. That sucks. And in case you were planning on having a good productive day, well fuck you. Cause the whole city needs to be on anti-depressants. The collective energy of a city of this size mourning will crush the most Mary Poppins of spirits. Think Ghostbusters 2. So then I have to come to the den of corporate idiocy and listen to inanity from kids who don’t know who Blair Underwood is.

Idiot #1: Did you know Blair Underwood got his start as Denise’s boyfriend on the Cosby show?

#2: no. (pause) wait a minute, I know who he is.

#1: He was on that lawyer show in the ‘80’s.

#2: Night Court?

I can’t make this up. They work at a TV station that specializes in classic shows. I wanted to yell “LA Law you dummies!” but since I’m freelance, I kept it to myself.

Then I have to suffer the crush of seeing my college classmates all married and successful in a way I never will be. I chose differently. And while I’m in this pit doing nothing, literally, I feel like a slacker and a loser because I could have chosen differently. The energy it takes to just make it through the day is enough to make me want to just get botulism from my salads I refuse to put in the fridge and just die.

I know this is for money and the city needs to just chill out. We’re like a bunch of kids picking a scab cause today’s a day to get attention. People die everyday. We should remember them everyday. It’s sad, it sucks, we have to move on or this city’s going to eat itself alive.

On the TV in the elevator, I hate it; they showed a picture of what looked like thousands of people down at Ground Zero. I understand that it was the most important day in some people’s lives. I understand that it was pivotal. I understand that it’s tragic beyond understanding. But life and grief is about moving on. Why go down there? Celebrate them in some positive, less photo op way. It’s like we don’t know how to grieve so we just go do what we see everyone else doing.

And we haven’t moved on. Not yet. We haven’t moved on emotionally, spiritually or politically. This morning I got spooked cause I heard airplanes low overhead. It’s an overcast day. I hear them all the time. I was spooked. And that was before I’d really realized what today was. And then the “President” decided to make a speech, a lot of speeches- not enough silence.

We’re all fucked up. And on top of it, personally, I’m trying to be a mature person when I’m sure I’m being dissed and I’m fucking pissed. I have no real reason to be pissed except that I feel betrayed. Am I over reacting, probably, but I do so too rarely. I don’t overreact nearly enough. The whole world runs on overreaction, and I’m gonna join the party today.

So besides this being one pissy little town today… let me tell you what’s gonna happen tonight. Again, think Ghostbusters 2. Only add alcohol and drugs. It’s gonna either get really ugly or the alcohol will be the positive slime that got infused with the Jackie Wilson song.

I, personally, hope that people who diss people should maybe get boots put on their cars. Or scabies. Or a perpetual runny nose. See, I do have a soft side.

I’m fucking pissed.


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