Dear Lone Ranger,
That ship has sailed. You’re not going to recoup that money now. You can show all the commercials you want, nobody wants to see that movie. I haven’t seen it, because I DON’T WANT TO. I’m not interested in your colonialism. Nobody’s buying it. Johnny Depp can do his…
I’ve had something to say to you for a while, but I kept getting stuck. All I could think was that the British version of the show must want to punch you in the face.
You took a perfectly good soap opera and ruined it. How could you make me not want to see Alyssa Milano? I love her. I’ve love her for years. But this show is so insipid. I keep wondering if I hate you so much because I’ve already met the better version of you.
You’re like that Giorgio cologne knock off from the ‘90’s. My friends and I attributed it to people. Like, we don’t have Naomi Campbell, but we have Tyra Banks. [I don’t care what ANYBODY says, Naomi is a superior model.]
You’re a designer imposter. But one you get on Canal St. You look cheap. You’re storylines are rushed. That Jess knockoff is an abomination. No! No! Jess was the best of them. And you cheapened her.
Rushing the whole dead husband back with girlfriend and kid storyline was too rushed and just seemed crazy and weird. At least in the British one he died in 9/11. Not made up some fake faked death.
And using Robert from The Cosby Show is manipulative.
I stood over a pot of water
and it boiled
it was boring
but it boiled
I watched it
whoever said it wouldn’t
I can still feel
your lips on my neck
your tongue on my thigh
your hands in my hair
your kisses on my stomach
why did I have to wake up?
I didn’t even get to ask
or what time you’d be over later
I wish I could go back to sleep
and get your number
but I guess it’s for the best
I’d never call